I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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