I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
