Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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