I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
