I don't think brook has ever known best
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
