do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
