we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
