They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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