The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
