Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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