eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
