I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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