Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
