Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
