Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
