Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
