I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
