Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
