Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
