She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
