Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
