If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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