1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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