No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My pussy is not your playground.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
