I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
