He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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