Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
