508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
