Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
