her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
