She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
