well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
