I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
