Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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