Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
