I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
