I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
