I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
