All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
