Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
