i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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