I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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