The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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