I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
