Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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