I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
