if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are we still banned from the library?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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