We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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