Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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