My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
